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The Tale of the Island and the Wave
How Anxious and Avoidant Hearts Can Finally Feel Safe with Each Other
In the 1950s, a British psychiatrist named John Bowlby began asking a question that seems obvious in retrospect, but was quietly radical at the time: what does it actually mean for a child to lose, or be separated from, the person who cares for them? Bowlby had observed children in hospitals and orphanages, children separated from their parents during the Second World War, children whose early…
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About
About the Book
There is a story most couples know, even if they have never found the words for it.
One person reaches. The other retreats. The reaching intensifies. The retreat deepens.
And somewhere in the widening space between them, two people who genuinely love
each other find themselves wondering how it came to this, how the very act of
wanting connection keeps producing its opposite.
This book is about that pattern. More than that, it is about where it comes from, why
it repeats with such stubborn precision, and most importantly, what can actually be
done about it. What follows is not a fable but an exploration: a careful, compassionate
examination of one of the most important frameworks in contemporary relationship
psychology, the work of Stan Tatkin, and the two human types at the heart of it. The
Island. The Wave. And the very difficult, very possible work of bringing them
together
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Author
About the Author
Joao Neves
Joao Neves, MSc, was born on October 6, 1988, in the beautiful coastal city of
Portimão, Algarve, Portugal.
His path has been shaped by resilience, self-reflection, and a deep desire to understand
the human experience. After facing significant emotional challenges during childhood
and surviving a period of suicidal crisis, Joao began to recognize the patterns of self-sabotage,
fear, and inner conflict that had influenced important areas of his life. What
once felt like chaos gradually became the beginning of a lifelong search for meaning,
healing, and personal growth
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