Managing Yourself and Others
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Managing Yourself and Others

Volume 5: Quality Software Series

About the Book

Reviewer Stuart M Scott wrote: Weinberg uses simple but effective models to explain human behavior, and examples from the software engineering industry to put these models in contexts familiar to software developers. I first read this book several years ago, and as a professional facilitator had immediate opportunities to evaluate my own ability to behave congruently under stress. I quickly found that Weinberg's models helped me to understand and deal with conflicts more and more effectively.

Today I use the insights gained from this book every day in my work with software development teams, clients, employees, and my own family. As Weinberg has pointed out, one of the main questions in software engineering (and perhaps in life) is Why do people so often do things wrong when they know how to do them right? As this book shows, to do the right thing often requires that in a moment a conflict or confrontation you behave congruently with all points of view, with the needs and fears and personalities of all parties to the issue.

The insights, examples, and tools Weinberg provides here can help you become vastly more effective in working with others. I strongly recommend this book, and the rest of the Quality Software Series, to people who lead software projects.

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    • Agile
    • Leadership
    • Management
    • Computers and Programming
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About the Author

Gerald M. Weinberg
Gerald M. Weinberg

I've always been interested in helping smart people be happy and productive. To that end, I've published books on human behavior, including Weinberg on Writing: The Fieldstone Method, The Psychology of Computer Programming, Perfect Software and Other Fallacies, and an Introduction to General Systems Thinking. I've also written books on leadership including Becoming a Technical Leader, The Secrets of Consulting (Foreword by Virginia Satir), More Secrets of Consulting, and the nine-volume Quality Software series.

I try to incorporate my knowledge of science, engineering, and human behavior into all of my writing and consulting work (with writers, hi-tech researchers, software engineers, and people whose life-situation could require the use of a service dog). I write novels about such people, including The Aremac Project, Aremac Power, Jigglers, First Stringers, Second Stringers, The Hands of God, Freshman Murders, Where There's a Will There's a Murder, Earth's Endless Effort, and Mistress of Molecules—all about how my brilliant protagonists produce quality work and learn to be happy. My books that are not yet on Leanpub may be found as eBooks at <>; on Amazon at; and at Barnes and Noble bookstore:

Early in my career, I was the architect for the Project Mercury's space tracking network and designer of the world's first multiprogrammed operating system. I won the Warnier Prize, the Stevens Award, and the first Software Testing Professionals' Luminary Award, all for my writing on software quality. I was also elected a charter member of the Computing Hall of Fame in San Diego and chosen for the University of Nebraska Hall of Fame.

But the "award" I'm most proud of is the book, The Gift of Time (Fiona Charles, ed.) written by my student and readers for my 75th birthday. Their stories make me feel that I've been at least partially successful at helping smart people be happy.

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Table of Contents

  • Managing Yourself and Others
    • Preface
    • Acknowledgments
    • Part I. Managing Yourself
    • Chapter 1. Why Congruence is Essential for Managing
      • 1.1 Knowing versus Doing
      • 1.2 Requisite Variety
      • 1.3 The Importance of Management
      • 1.4 The Number One Random Process Element
      • 1.5 The Road Ahead
      • 1.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 1.7 Summary
      • 1.8 Practice
    • Chapter 2. Choosing Management
      • 2.1 Where the Payoff Is
        • 2.2.1 Managers are born, not made (NOT)
        • 2.2.2 People can be put on a one-dimensional scale (NOT)
        • 2.2.3 The scale for programming is the same as the scale for management. (NOT)
      • 2.3 Effects of Applying the Model
        • 2.3.1 Managers versus team leaders
        • 2.3.2 Loss of technical capability
        • 2.3.3 Loss of people and loss of satisfaction
        • 2.3.4 Interference effects
      • 2.4 Choice and Congruence
      • 2.5 The Vision Behind the Choice
      • 2.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 2.7 Summary
      • 2.8 Practice
    • Chapter 3. Styles of Coping
      • 3.1 Coping Incongruently with Stress
      • 3.2 Blaming
      • 3.3 Placating
      • 3.4 Acting Superreasonable
      • 3.5 Loving/Hating
      • 3.6 Acting Irrelevant
      • 3.7 The Role of Self-Esteem
        • 3.7.1 Internal messages
        • 3.7.2 A locked-on congruence/incongruence dynamic
      • 3.8 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 3.9 Summary
    • Chapter 4. From Incongruence to Congruence
      • 4.1 Coping Congruently
        • 4.1.1 Congruence works
      • 4.1.2 Recognizing congruence
        • 4.1.3 Can real organizations operate congruently?
      • 4.2 Blaming Transformed into Assertiveness
      • 4.3 Transforming Placating into Caring or Yielding
      • 4.4 Turning Superreasonable into Focused and Reasonable
      • 4.5 Changing Lovers/Haters into Beneficial Alliances or Friendly Rivalries
      • 4.6 Transforming Irrelevance into Funny or Creative Behavior
      • 4.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 4.8 Summary
      • 4.9 Practice
    • Chapter 5. Moving Toward Congruence
      • 5.1 Reframing Internal Messages
        • 5.1.1 Feelings and messages
        • 5.1.2 Examples of reframed messages
      • 5.2 Dealing with Strong Feelings
        • 5.2.1 Speak up when an issue is important to you
        • 5.2.2 Take time to clarify your position in your own mind
        • 5.2.3 Speak for yourself
        • 5.2.4 Speak to the right person
        • 5.2.5 Use fair tactics
        • 5.2.6 Strive for congruence.
      • 5.3 Steps Toward Congruence
        • 5.3.1 Notice the incongruence
        • 5.3.2 Make adjustments
        • 5.3.3 Make contact with the other person
        • 5.3.4 Wait for the other person to respond
        • 5.3.5 Repeat the process as often as necessary
        • 5.3.6 Use the opportunity for learning.
      • 5.4 What Congruence Means to a Manager
      • 5.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 5.6 Summary
      • 5.7 Practice
    • Part II. Managing Others
    • Chapter 6. The Manager’s Job
      • 6.1 Deciding and Appointing
        • 6.1.1 Piling on
        • 6.1.2 Reversing the appointment policy
        • 6.1.3 Tactics for relieving overload
      • 6.2 Listening
      • 6.3 Following Up
      • 6.4 Evaluating Quality
      • 6.5 Personnel Decisions
      • 6.6 Administering
      • 6.7 What Congruent Managers Do
      • 6.8 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 6.9 Summary
      • 6.10 Practice
    • Chapter 7. Preference Differences
      • 7.1 Same or Equal?
      • 7.2 Preferences
      • 7.3 The Myers-Briggs Preferences
      • 7.4 Obtaining Energy
      • 7.5 Obtaining Information
      • 7.6 Making Decisions
      • 7.7 Taking Action
      • 7.8 Why MBTI?
      • 7.8 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 7.9 Summary
      • 7.10 Practice
    • Chapter 8. Temperament Differences
      • 8.1 Four Kinds of Control
        • 8.1.1 Intellectual control
        • 8.1.2 Physical control
        • 8.1.3 Emergency control
        • 8.1.4 Emotional control
      • 8.2 The Four Temperaments
        • 8.2.1 The NT Visionary
        • 8.2.2 The NF catalyst
        • 8.2.3 The SJ Organizer
        • 8.2.4 The SP trouble-shooter
      • 8.3 Temperaments in Action
        • 8.3.1 Kind of control
        • 8.3.2 Cultural patterns
        • 8.3.3 Cost and schedule overruns
        • 8.3.4 Reaction to error
        • 8.3.5 Observation
        • 8.3.6 Interaction
      • 8.4 Using Temperament Data
      • 8.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 8.6 Summary
      • 8.7 Practice
    • Chapter 9. Differences as Assets
      • 9.1 Why Differences Are an Asset
      • 9.2 Management by Selection
      • 9.3 Management by Systematic Improvement
      • 9.4 Cultures
      • 9.5 Females and Males
      • 9.6 Other Significant Differences
        • 9.6.1 Sensory Modalities
        • 9.6.2 Ability
        • 9.6.3 Physical capacity
        • 9.6.4 Age
      • 9.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 9.8 Summary
    • Chapter 10. Patterns of Incongruence
      • 10.1 Where Does the Time Go?
      • 10.2 The Placating Pattern
      • 10.3 The Blame Chain
      • 10.4 The Addiction Cycle
      • 10.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 10.6 Summary
      • 10.7 Practice
    • Chapter 11. The Technology of Human Behavior
      • 11.1 The Search for a Model
      • 11.2 The Satir Interaction Model
        • 11.2.1 Intake
        • 11.2.2 Meaning
        • 11.2.3 Significance
        • 11.2.4 Who’s in charge of the response?
      • 11.3 How Meaning Is Developed
      • 11.4 Style versus Intent
      • 11.5 The Skilled Technologist of Human Behavior
      • 11.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
      • 11.8 Practice
    • Notes
    • Appendix A: The Diagram of Effects
    • Appendix B: The Software Engineering Cultural Patterns
      • Pattern 0. Oblivious Process
      • Pattern 1: Variable Process
      • Pattern 2: Routine Process
      • Pattern 3: Steering Process
      • Pattern 4: Anticipating Process
      • Pattern 5: Congruent Process
    • Appendix C. The Satir Interaction Model
      • Intake.
      • Meaning.
      • Significance.
      • Response.
    • Appendix D. Control Models
      • D.1. The Aggregate Control Model
      • D.2. Cybernetic Control Models
        • D.2.1 The system to be controlled (the focus of Patterns 0 and 1)
        • D.2.2 The controller (the focus of Pattern 2)
        • D.2.3 Feedback control (the focus of Pattern 3)
    • Appendix E. The Three Observer Positions
  • What Next?

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