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How We Actually Learn

Kim Parker

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About

About

About the Book

What if the way you learn isn't broken?


For decades, we've been sold a myth: that learning happens in neat, linear steps—through classrooms, textbooks, and elephant stamps. That the "ideal learner" is disciplined, fast, and compliant. But what if the truth is far messier, far more human?


In *How We Actually Learn*, retired teacher and technologist Kim Parker dismantles the factory model of education and replaces it with something recognisably human. Drawing on his 40+ years as a maths teacher, IT professional, and mentor, Kim explores how learning really happens—not in standardised tests or timed drills, but in living minds shaped by experience, fatigue, curiosity, and fear.


This isn't a how-to guide for becoming a "better" learner. It's a love letter to the way we learn when we're not trying to be someone we're not. Through personal stories, science-backed insights, and practical tools, Kim shows how:


- The body knows first: Why your hands, your gut, and even your fatigue are your best teachers

- Curiosity is a survival skill: How questions—not answers—drive the deepest learning

- The messy middle matters: Why forgetting, struggling, and revisiting are not failures—they're the heart of durable knowledge

- Shame and speed are the real barriers: How institutional habits quietly obstruct learning, especially for neurodivergent and introverted minds

- Learning is a social, embodied practice: How mentorship, environment, and rhythm make knowledge stick


Written for the dreamers, the distractible, and the quietly rebellious, this book is a celebration of the late bloomers, the slow starters, and the neurodivergent thinkers who learn in spirals, not straight lines. Whether you're a teacher, a parent, a lifelong learner, or someone who's ever felt "not enough" in a system built for conformity, How We Actually Learn is your permission slip to trust your own way of knowing.

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About the Author

Kim Parker

Kim Parker is a teacher, technologist, and lifelong learner who has spent over four decades exploring the intersections of education, knowledge, and human potential.

Kim began his career as a secondary school teacher, specialising in mathematics and computer science. Over twelve years in both state and private schools, he developed a deep understanding of how people learn—and how traditional systems often fail to honour the diversity of human minds. As Head of Computers at a large K-12 school, he witnessed firsthand the gaps between institutional expectations and the realities of neurodivergent, gifted, and introverted learners. This experience ignited a lifelong curiosity about how knowledge is acquired, retained, and applied—not just in classrooms, but in the messy, lived experience of being human.

After leaving teaching, Kim transitioned into the world of information technology, where he spent 27 years wearing many hats: programmer, database administrator, project manager, systems engineer, and enterprise architect. His roles in client services, data analytics, and knowledge management reinforced his belief that true learning is rarely linear. It thrives in collaboration, curiosity, and the willingness to embrace uncertainty. Throughout his IT career, he remained a mentor, facilitator, and occasional team leader, guiding others through the complexities of project management and systems architecture. His final corporate role as Manager of Data Analytics and Knowledge cemented his fascination with how information transforms into wisdom—and how organisations (and individuals) can design environments that nurture both.

Now semi-retired, Kim has returned to his roots in education, this time as a writer and occasional casual relief teacher. His Substack publication, The Knowledge Economy, explores knowledge acquisition, decision-making, and the mechanics of learning, neurodivergence, giftedness, and mentoring. Through long-form essays, books and deeply personal reflections, he examines what it means to learn as a whole person—body, mind, and spirit—rather than a cog in a system.

At 71, Kim is proof that learning doesn’t end with a diploma or a retirement party. Whether he’s writing about the cognitive quirks of ADHD, the hidden barriers in traditional education, or the art of mentoring, his work is infused with the conviction that everyone’s way of learning is valid—especially those who’ve been told theirs isn’t. When he’s not writing or teaching, you might find him learning a new language (although he says at this he is failing), tinkering with systems (both digital and human), or advocating for a kinder, more human-centred approach to education and work.

Kim lives in Australia, where he enjoys the quiet rebellions of retirement: asking hard questions, challenging assumptions, and helping others trust their own rhythms.

Contents

Table of Contents

Introduction: A Trilogy of Human Learning

  1. Why This Book Exists
  2. The Trilogy: Learning as a Human Practice
  3. Who This Book Is For
  4. My Story: From Classrooms to Code and Back
  5. What You’ll Find in These Pages
  6. How to Read This Book
  7. A Note on the Journey Ahead

Prologue: The Myth of the Ideal Learner

  1. The Rubber Trees of Malaysia
  2. The Ideal Learner: A Phantom in the Classroom
  3. The Day the Myth Began to Unravel
  4. The Learners in the Wild
  5. The Lies We Tell About Learning
  6. The Body as a Classroom
  7. The Slow Cook Method
  8. The Invitation
  9. What to Expect
  10. A Final Memory

Chapter 1: The Factory Model

  1. The Bell Rings
  2. The Birth of the Factory School
  3. The Myth of the Assembly Line Mind
  4. The Cost of Compliance
  5. A Classroom Built for Machines
  6. The Illusion of Efficiency
  7. The Workers in the Field
  8. The Science of How We Actually Learn
  9. The Children Left Behind
  10. A Different Kind of Classroom
  11. The Way Forward
  12. A Personal Story: The Day I Walked Out
  13. The Invitation

Chapter 2: The Tyranny of the ‘Good Student’

  1. The Gold Star Syndrome
  2. The Myth of the ‘Good Student’
  3. The Rules of the Game
  4. The Cost of the Gold Star
  5. The Performance of Learning
  6. The Children Who Can’t Play the Game
  7. The Neurodivergent Experience
  8. The Illusion of Merit
  9. The Teacher’s Dilemma
  10. The Day I Stopped Performing
  11. The Rebellion of the ‘Bad’ Student
  12. Redefining ‘Good’
  13. A Classroom Without Gold Stars
  14. The Way Forward
  15. A Personal Story: The Essay That Changed Everything
  16. The Invitation

Chapter 3: The Lies We Tell About Motivation

  1. The Myth of the Motivational Poster
  2. The Lie: Motivation is a Choice
  3. The Science of Motivation
  4. The Lie: You Just Need More Grit
  5. The Lie: You Have to Love What You Do
  6. The Lie: Motivation is Constant
  7. The Neurodivergent Experience
  8. The Truth About Motivation
  9. The Day I Stopped Waiting for Motivation
  10. The Role of Environment
  11. The Role of Rest
  12. The Role of Curiosity
  13. The Way Forward
  14. A Personal Story: The Book I Almost Didn’t Write
  15. The Invitation

Chapter 4: The Body Knows First

  1. The Wisdom of the Hands
  2. The Myth of the Disembodied Mind
  3. The Science of Embodied Cognition
  4. The Neurodivergent Body
  5. Learning with the Whole Self
  6. The Day My Body Taught Me to Dance
  7. The Classroom as a Body
  8. The Wisdom of the Hands, Revisited
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 5: Curiosity as a Survival Skill

  1. The Question That Saved My Life
  2. The Myth of the Passionate Learner
  3. The Science of Curiosity
  4. The Neurodivergent Spark
  5. The Day I Stopped Knowing
  6. The Classroom as a Question
  7. The Art of Asking Questions
  8. The Question That Changed Everything
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 6: The Hidden Work of Integration

  1. The Puzzle on the Kitchen Table
  2. The Myth of the “Aha!” Moment
  3. The Science of Integration
  4. The Neurodivergent Process
  5. The Day the Puzzle Came Together
  6. The Classroom as a Puzzle
  7. The Art of Revisiting
  8. The Puzzle on the Kitchen Table, Revisited
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 7: Learning in the Wild

  1. The Boy Who Taught Me to Fish
  2. The Myth of the Classroom
  3. The Science of Informal Learning
  4. The Neurodivergent Explorer
  5. The Day I Learned to Cook
  6. The World as a Classroom
  7. The Art of Paying Attention
  8. The Boy Who Taught Me to Fish, Revisited
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 8: The Role of Shame

  1. The Red Pen
  2. The Anatomy of Shame
  3. Shame in the Classroom
  4. The Science of Shame
  5. The Day I Stopped Raising My Hand
  6. The Hidden Curriculum of Shame
  7. Breaking the Cycle
  8. The Classroom Without Shame
  9. The Teacher Who Changed Everything
  10. The Invitation

Chapter 9: Speed as a Weapon

  1. The Timer on the Wall
  2. The Cult of Speed
  3. The Myth of the Fast Learner
  4. The Cost of Speed
  5. The Day I Refused to Rush
  6. The Tyranny of the Clock
  7. The Case for Slow Learning
  8. The Classroom Without a Clock
  9. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Slow Down
  10. The Invitation

Chapter 10: The Illusion of Objectivity

  1. The Textbook That Wasn’t
  2. The Myth of the Neutral Classroom
  3. The Neurodivergent Perspective
  4. The Day I Questioned Everything
  5. The Hidden Biases of Knowledge
  6. The Classroom as a Battleground
  7. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Doubt
  8. The Invitation

Chapter 11: The Social Life of Learning

  1. The Study Group That Saved Me
  2. The Myth of the Lone Genius
  3. The Science of Social Learning
  4. The Neurodivergent Experience
  5. The Day I Found My People
  6. The Classroom as a Community
  7. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Listen
  8. The Invitation

Chapter 12: The Art of Noticing

  1. The Spider in the Corner
  2. The Myth of Multitasking
  3. The Science of Attention
  4. The Neurodivergent Gaze
  5. The Day I Learned to See
  6. The Practice of Noticing
  7. The Classroom as a Laboratory of Attention
  8. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Look
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 13: Fatigue as a Teacher

  1. The Day I Collapsed
  2. The Myth of Productivity
  3. The Science of Fatigue
  4. The Neurodivergent Experience of Fatigue
  5. The Day I Learned to Rest
  6. The Practice of Rest
  7. The Classroom as a Sanctuary of Rest
  8. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Stop
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 14: Fear as a Compass

  1. The Night Before the Presentation
  2. The Myth of Fearlessness
  3. The Science of Fear
  4. The Neurodivergent Relationship with Fear
  5. The Day I Stopped Running
  6. The Practice of Courage
  7. The Classroom as a Laboratory of Courage
  8. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Feel
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 15: The Messy Middle

  1. The Novel in the Drawer
  2. The Myth of Linear Progress
  3. The Science of the Messy Middle
  4. The Neurodivergent Journey
  5. The Day I Embraced the Mess
  6. The Practice of Perseverance
  7. The Classroom as a Space for Mess
  8. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Keep Going
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 16: Environments That Honour Limits

  1. The Room That Wouldn’t Let Me Think
  2. The Myth of the Ideal Environment
  3. The Science of Environmental Design
  4. The Neurodivergent Experience of Space
  5. The Day I Designed My Sanctuary
  6. The Principles of Human-Centred Design
  7. The Classroom as a Human-Centred Space
  8. The Teacher Who Let Me Sit on the Floor
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 17: The Power of Revisiting

  1. The Notebook I Forgot
  2. The Myth of the Photographic Memory
  3. The Science of Revisiting
  4. The Neurodivergent Relationship with Memory
  5. The Day I Started Keeping a Commonplace Book
  6. The Practice of Revisiting
  7. The Classroom as a Space for Revisiting
  8. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Look Back
  9. The Invitation

Chapter 18: Learning That Lasts

  1. The Lesson I Couldn’t Forget
  2. The Myth of the Quick Fix
  3. The Science of Durable Learning
  4. The Neurodivergent Path to Durability
  5. The Day I Stopped Chasing Perfection
  6. The Principles of Durable Learning
  7. The Classroom as a Space for Durable Learning
  8. The Teacher Who Taught Me to Love Learning
  9. The Invitation

Epilogue: A New Story

  1. The Last Page
  2. The Myth We Carry
  3. The Story I Was Told
  4. The Story I Found
  5. The Story of the Body
  6. The Story of the Messy Middle
  7. The Story of Connection
  8. The Story of Revisiting
  9. The Story of Limits
  10. The New Story
  11. The Invitation
  12. The Last Lesson
  13. A Final Story
  14. The New Beginning

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