Thus Spoke the Programmer
Thus Spoke the Programmer
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Thus Spoke the Programmer

Last updated on 2015-07-24

About the Book

The critically acclaimed memoir. Hilarious anecdotes, aphorisms, assertions, assumptions, quips, thrusts, japes and screeds. An inexhaustible well of joy, anger, wonder, confusion and truth.

Don't let the title put you off if you're not a programmer. The book is guaranteed to delight both technical and non-technical readers alike.

Table of Contents

  • A Fictional Memoir
  • Pain in the Neck
  • Daddy’s Home
  • A Strong Hand on the ‘Rudder’
  • Incan Gold
  • If Fame is What You Seek
  • Whale Cams
  • Wasted Time
  • Overpromise and Underdeliver
  • Overheard I
  • Pizzas and Programmers
  • Overheard II
  • It May Depend on the Temperature of the Coffee
  • The Dopeler Effect
  • Thoughts on Starting a New Job
  • Mentoring
  • Refrigerators
  • Things That Pop Up and Poke You in the Eye
  • Good News, Bad News
  • Milestones
  • Don’t Invite Me
  • A Brilliant Waste of Time
  • Teaching Computer Science
  • Minimizing Retention
  • Profiles in Management: The Liar
  • Christmas at the Office
  • Inspired Idiocy
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of I
  • Diplomacy
  • No Work Today
  • I’ve Lost Another Friend
  • Always “Ass…”
  • Bubbles and Lines
  • Goofus on Software
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of II
  • The Death of Alan Turing
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of III
  • The Programmer’s Interview Tips: You’re a 10 in Everything
  • Hard Deadlines
  • Passive-Aggressive Team Members
  • I Object to Doing Things That Don’t Make Sense
  • Time
  • Risky Business
  • I Am a Programmer
  • Time-Saving Tips
  • When is Diversity Not a Dilemma?
  • Working Late
  • You Can Have My Job
  • Teaching Computer Science: Remembering Names
  • Americans are Mathematically Illiterate
  • Stuff They Don’t Teach You in School
  • Global Warming
  • Into the Digital Abyss
  • If You Love It So Much, Why Don’t You Marry It?
  • This Scam Still Needs a Little Work
  • Man Plans, God Laughs
  • Crafting a Mission Statement by General George S. Patton Jr.
  • Teaching Computer Science: Diversity for Girls Only
  • Death Watch
  • Informed Consent
  • Fast Work
  • Pesto Pete
  • The Disconnect Between Hope and Reality
  • Father-Son Wisdom
  • Voice-Activated Copiers
  • Home Runs
  • Teaching Computer Science: Would Jesus Tow My Car?
  • Overheard III
  • Massive Accountability
  • Completion Percentages
  • Action is Eloquence
  • Profiles in Management: The Baffled Bigwig
  • The Great Chair Race
  • The Prepared Mind
  • Do You Read Me?
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of IV
  • Hearing Voices
  • Teaching Computer Science: No School After Halloween
  • Automatic for the People
  • Predicting the Unpredictable
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of V
  • 51 Responses for the Software Professional
  • An Open Letter to My Former Employer
  • Profiles in Management: The Golfer
  • Basically Done
  • Best Practices
  • How to Answer Interview Questions in 3 Easy Steps
  • Email from a Bird
  • Life Imitates HTTP
  • Intelligent Appliances
  • Every New Feature is a New Failure Point
  • I’m Addressing the Shortage of Women in Technology
  • I Know Lots of Different Languages
  • A Ready Answer on Diversity
  • The One-Sentence Motivator
  • Standard Methods = Standard Results
  • I’m Easily Annoyed
  • Teaching Computer Science: Mindset
  • The Perfect Summer Beverage
  • Employee Surveys
  • Overheard IV
  • Pats on the Head
  • Big Fishes in Small Ponds
  • Overheard V
  • Occupational Intensity
  • Drowning in Chocolate
  • Teaching Computer Science: Exam Tips from the Pros
  • LinkedIn Recommendation I
  • How to Get on My Bad Side
  • Office Practical Jokes
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of VI
  • Teaching Computer Science: Lessons Learned
  • Overheard VI
  • Overheard VII
  • Genius or Geek?
  • Teaching Computer Science: Those Who Don’t Like to Read
  • Your Résumé is Quite Impressive
  • With a Little Bit of Luck
  • Teaching Computer Science: Ski Week
  • By Way of Explanation
  • Hey, Fat Ass!
  • You Remind Me of Superman
  • Teaching Computer Science: Pro Tips for Finishing a Project
  • Ruby on Rails for Rubes
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of VII
  • Unimpressed
  • Overheard VIII
  • Tradeoffs
  • New TGIF Policy in Effect
  • Skills Pretty Much Required
  • Antipattern: Exactly on Schedule
  • Falling Down Stairs
  • Profiles in Management: The Poker Face
  • More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of VIII
  • Overheard IX
  • April Fools
  • A Sad Case
  • Teaching Computer Science: Incentives (or Lack Thereof)
  • Teaching Computer Science: The Last Minute
  • We Don’t Have the Money, So We Have to Think
  • LinkedIn Recommendation II
  • How Are You?
  • Changing Requirements
  • Talking to Recruiters
  • Overheard X
  • Teaching Computer Science: Combating Procrastination
  • Presentation Tips: Get to the Fucking Point
  • Overheard XI
  • Teaching Computer Science: Extra Credit
  • Teaching Computer Science: Ask More Questions
  • Roseville
  • A Project Management Question
  • Bad Interview Question
  • Hiring the Best
  • Teaching Computer Science: The Last Day
  • Overheard XII
  • My Next Career

About the Author

Paul Epps
Paul Epps

Paul Epps is a writer, programmer, teacher, problem solver, and teacher of problem solving. He has a graduate degree in computer science from the University of Southern California (Fight On!) and lives in Orange County, CA.     

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