Synopsis

(Note that this ebook edition reinstates the original two ‘book-end’ chapters – ‘1: A hint of weirdness’ and ‘20: Sharing the wyrd’ – that were missing from the 1996 Gothic Image edition.)

Introduction section

This section provides the lead-in to the book.

Introduction – In which the purpose and aims of the book are introduced, including suggestions on how best to use the book as a practical tool for interpersonal development.

• Using this book

1: A hint of weirdness – In which the narrator, Chris Kelley, is introduced, and in turn introduces, through personal experience, some of the main themes of the book.

2: Weird is a noun – In which concept of ‘wyrd’ is introduced, and linked to some common themes of personal development - in particular, the centrality of fear as a personal issue, and the importance of personal choice and personal responsibility.

• Wyrd is a story
• Wyrd is everyone
• Wyrd is a feeling
• Wyrd is an awareness

Background section

This section looks at the pressures and issues which apply in all kinds of relationship, and at learned habits of relationship which cause interpersonal difficulties.

3: Round and round the garden – In which is explored the common experience of life and relationships forming themselves into repetitive patterns and weird loops; by re-viewing these as the results of lack of awareness of feedback from ‘the wyrd’, a way out of the loops can be found.

• Running nowhere
• A garden-full of advice
• A royal muddle

4: Fear and power – In which the weird relationship between fear and power is examined; by understanding the weird nature of fear, and creating a practical new meaning of power, both can become constructive aspects of relationship.

• A problem of power
• A problem of fear
• The weird fear of power
• The weird power of fear

5: Danger - children at play – In which the focus is placed on the subtle distinction between ‘childlike’ and childish’ - leading to the recognition that childishness is common in all relationships, and that it is, in essence, an evasion of personal responsibility which helps no-one.

• The centre of the universe
• Playing fair
• Playing foul
• The quest for the Inner Adult

6: I and We and I In which is explored the weird notion of ‘I’, and the even weirder experience of ‘We’ that occurs in every relationship.

• Which I is We?
• Listening to We
• The circles of We
• The interweaving of We

7: Boundaries – In which are examined the weird interactions between the boundaries we construct to protect our sense of ‘I’, and the boundaries others construct to protect theirs.

• Boundary, barrier and wall
• My fortress, my prison
• Negotiating the boundaries

8: A problem of fate – In which there is a recognition that some issues are indeed our ‘fate’, our wyrd - and that by working with them, rather than fighting against them, we can use them to learn more about ourselves and our relationship with others.

• Lessons in the weaving
• Wyrd and geis
• Every wyrd has an ending…
• …but there’s always a choice!

Tools section

This section examines some tools and perspectives which can be applied to particular issues in relationships.

9: Subject and object – In which are examined that problems that arise from viewing others as ‘subjects’ - extensions of oneself - or ‘objects’; with awareness of their weird nature, though, these viewpoints can become constructive tools within relationship.

• Everything’s an object
• Everything’s my subject
• Everything’s wyrd

10: Blame and responsibility – In which are explored the subtle distinctions between responsibility and blame - leading to new possibilities for constructive action.

• Blaming the world
• Blaming ourselves
• The gatekeeper and the judge
• Dancing with responsibility

11: Use and abuse – In which are examined the weird ways relationships can so easily descend into abuse; by understanding the fear of wyrd that so often underlies abuse of self or others, relationships can once more become based on ‘use’ through mutual respect.

• Use and power
• Context and consent
• Threads of abuse

12: Asserting ‘I’ – In which it is demonstrated that the only way to avoid the twin traps of passivity - ‘fatalism’ - and aggression is to fully understand the weirdness involved in asserting ‘I’.

• ‘I’ is a choice
• ‘I’ is a boundary
• ‘I’ is a feeling

13: Sympathy and empathy – In which it is shown that sympathy is not the same as empathy - and that only with genuine empathy is true relationship possible.

• Sharing the passions
• Twisted sympathies
• Choosing sympathy

Context section

This section explores ways in which the awareness developed in the ‘Background’ section, and the practical tools examined in the ‘Tools’ section, can be applied in the everyday context of relationships.

14: Allies in wyrdness – In which the usual notions of ‘friends’ and ‘enemies’ is quietly replaced by a more useful, if wyrd, concept of ‘allies’.

• Discovering allies
• The wyrdness of allies

15: Soul-mates and cell-mates – In which it is shown that, by a weird twist, the desire for ‘soul-mates’ can easily lead to being trapped with ‘cell-mates’; yet there is another wyrd twist through which we can, instead, accept everyone as our true soul-mates.

• Heart and soul
• The chosen ones
• The love connection

16: Wyrd sex – In which the spotlight is placed on the weirdness of sex and sexual relationships; it is suggested that whilst many seem to clamour for ‘weird sex’, few fully understand its wyrd possibilities!

• The weirdness of sex
• The dance of Pan
• The power of sex

17: Girls and boys – In which it is demonstrated that, with awareness, social constructs of gender and the genuine differences between the sexes can be changed from weird problems into wyrd yet practical tools.

• Nature?
• …or nurture?
• Nurturing the wyrd

18: Trust and commitment – In which, by understanding their weird nature, we come to a realistic understanding of what trust and commitment mean - and what they truly ask of us in relationships.

• Commitment
• Trusting ‘I’
• Trusting ‘We’
• Trusting the wyrd

19: A wyrd world of allies – In which the previous explorations of ‘wyrdness’ are extended into all kinds of relationships with the wider world - creating the awareness that everywhere we go, we have a wyrd world of allies to help us.

• A world of confusions
• A world of power
• A world of choice

Wrap-up section

This section provides a closure for the material in the book, and resources for further study.

20: Sharing the wyrd – In which Chris Kelley sums up the difference in experience that has come from applying the concepts and tools explored in this book.

Further reading – Books on wyrd, self-exploration, philosophical perspectives, and fiction on wyrd and geis.