2. The Honeymoon Period
“I have a fantastic husband. Here’s the honeymoon part: I still think he’s the funniest, wittiest, most clever man I’ve ever known.” –Sarah Jessica Parker
When a couple first starts dating they obsess over each other, think of each other constantly, they can’t wait to see each other. This is called “new relationship energy” or “the honeymoon period”. This is often called “puppy love” because real love takes much more time to grow. Mistaking the HP with real love is a serious problem because as the HP slowly fades, people assume they are “out of love” and end the relationship. This is actually the cause of some divorces.
People often confuse the honeymoon period (HP) with real love. It is not real love, it is just the giddiness of a new significant other (SO), a new chapter in life, and new possibilities.
Normally the HP lasts about a year or two, though it can last much longer if people are very compatible. When people start living together it might start up again. Living together is a major change, with new hope for a new start, but eventually routine sets in. You have less time for dates, there is more stress of working and paying bills, there might be sudden debt, etc. Just because the “feeling” of love is gone does not mean the relationship is over. Love takes more time to grow, like a tree. It is not that giddy feeling, it is more a comfortable feeling of trust you have for each other.
When a man got married, even the ancient Greeks did not allow him to go to war for the first year of marriage. They knew the importance of the honeymoon period and bonding.
2.1 What is love?
“Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.”
There are different kinds of love. There is love for family, love for friends, and romantic love. I am talking about romantic love here.
- Love is about trusting your SO to be reliable and to be there when you need them. This trust takes years to build. Real love is not the passionate, urgent sensation of the honeymoon period, it’s more of a slow-burning kind of trust and sense of being comfortable.
- Love is not keeping score who did the dishes X times or not. It’s also not keeping score about how many “I love yous” were said.
- Love is not about rushing the other person into marriage. Love is patient.
- Love is accepting that your SO forgets to pick up their socks. A lot.
- Love is both people compromising to make the other happy. Love is not one-sided.
- Love is when you want to be around a person because you enjoy yourself, and they make you a better person.
- Love is more than a feeling, it is action. It’s when you show you love the person. It can be words also but actions speak louder than words.
- Love is accepting, not manipulative. “If you love me you would…“ is a red flag.
- Love is peaceful, not violent.
- Lust is not love. Take away all the sex and adventure, would you still want to be around that person? Would you still find them interesting?
- Attachment is part of love. People with an attachment disorder often have problems with relationships and love.
- Attraction is part of love, but it doesn’t have to be just physical attraction, it can be attraction to someone’s personality.
- Commitment is part of love. This includes polyamorous relationships where there is committment to more than one person.
- Reliability is part of love. If you agree to do something, you should do it. Some people are very bad at follow through.
- Intimacy is part of love. It means sharing your deepest thoughts, desires, and fears. That means both people share. And intimacy can be scary, especially if a person isn’t used to giving or receiving it.
From the SelfCreation website1 (very much worth a look):
The strength and depth of the connection is determined by two conditions.
- The level of self-acceptance each person has for themselves.
- How open, honest and exposed each individual is willing to be.
Qualities always present with these connections are:
- Trust – believing in their integrity and good intentions towards you.
- Respect – concluding they are good and worthy of appreciation.
- Affection – demonstrating your good intentions through your actions.
Three types of love from Psychology Today:2
- Lust. Feeling sexual desire.
- Attraction. Feeling appeal and motivation to pursue a partner. Attraction can be physical, emotional, financial, or other.
- Attachment. Feeling bonded around sharing a life and life duties together.
And a few more quotes.
“A friend is someone who knows all about you but still loves you.” –Elbert Hubbard
This can also apply to close, personal relationships.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” -― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” -― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
2.2 For more information
- Goodreads Quotes About Love. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/love