Applying for an Internship in the Shower
The call comes in as I’m singing in the shower.
I love singing in the shower. I’m sure the entire Chicago populace is lined up outside my window every time I open my mouth to deplete the ozone layer with Skillet lyrics. FYI: I can’t sing at all. When I sing, deaf people cover their ears.
I’m singing so badly that the water rushes past me, and my house phone rings, sending me sprinting to the receiver. I have this habit of answering phones when it isn’t convenient, and I don’t know why. As I stand here, completely naked in my apartment, I wonder what kind of call I’ve received. My heart swells when I realize it’s Amber.
“Hello, my boy wonder! I decided to call you since you’re off the net. Why? I’ll tell you.”
“Make it fast,” I urge. “I’m naked.”
“Really?” she fakes interest. “That’s really hot! Pale, nerdy kid standing in his apartment, talking on the phone. The same fellow who managed to choke on milk only to project it out of his nose when he started laughing at a Dungeons and Dragons joke. Yup, that is hot.”
“Fine. No wizard chess for you, then.” I threaten her as I walk back to the shower, turning the water off.
“That’s just not going to be fair at all, especially since I’m about to provide you with an epic internship opportunity.”
“An epic —- did you just say ‘*epic’*?”
“No, I didn’t. A kick-ass internship opportunity. Are you getting dressed?”
“No. You interrupted my shower.”
“I’m going to tell that elder geek in your building not to give you any chocolate. In fact, I’m going to eat some as I do it. So, can my pink hair and I divulge this wicked opportunity?”
“I’m all naked ears.”
“Great! Okay, so, you know NPR, right? If you don’t know NPR, then you’re not Robert Kingett. Anyway, NPR is having an internship for a website blogger, and StoryCorps has an internship, too. You can select many different internship programs at the Chicago office.”
“That’s totally epic!” I squeal, slipping on a bar of soap. The phone flies from my hand and bounces off the wall before falling to the floor. I grab my shower bar to keep from hitting the floor. I pick up the phone, and Amber continues as if nothing happened.
“One problem.”
“What’s that?”
“You need to either send an application through the website or email an application to certain people. There are no offline ways to apply.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“I don’t believe that.” I walk to my bed, where I sit until I remember my window is open. I race back into the shower. “Give me the numbers.”
She does, and I hang up. Then, I call both places to ask about the internships.
“Hi. I’m Robert Kingett, and I’m interested in the internship.”
“Look on the website,” says one rep.
“Send an email, please,” says the other.
When companies say “no calls,” boy, do they mean no calls. They won’t even take faxes. Without my own internet access, I’ll have to use the library’s. They won’t take my resume any other way; I have to go through email or the websites.
“I don’t have internet access, though,” I explain as patiently as I can to both reps.
Neither budges nor makes an exception.
“When’s the deadline?” I sound as if I’m expecting them to tell me my death date.
One says “October 26.” The other says, “October 31.”
“Can’t I just fax my resume over?”
Both say no —- even after a few attempts.
“If you want to have a job today, sir,” one rep tells me, “you need the internet. It’s a requirement.” I don’t know how to convince her otherwise, so I hang up.
I wonder why companies have stopped taking calls about jobs and internships, and I wonder why people need online accounts to apply. Is it really so important? Is it the quickest way to tell a lot of people no?
I understand that people love the World Wide Web because it makes things easier. But what do they do if they don’t have internet access and want to apply for a job or an internship? To me, it seems like discrimination. I only have a few days left offline, but some people lack internet access every day. Have we made the internet more than a tool? Has it really become a requirement? I almost feel like I have a newfound disability: the absence of the World Wide Web. And this realization takes me back to the point I was musing on with Marcus in the park: if the internet is so necessary, why doesn’t the FCC classify internet service providers as common carriers?
In a way, I’m of two minds about this situation. Don’t get me wrong. Being offline definitely has its perks. But the truth is I need the internet. People need the internet. It’s become a utility whether we like it or not. To some, it’s evil. To others, it’s essential. I think it’s both.
People today don’t know how to utilize what they’ve been given. Many have said the internet is bad because kids play games on it all day or that Facebook is a distraction. Yet, they don’t understand that it’s a tool that you operate as an individual; therefore, you can use it to interact however you want. The internet gives a lot of power to the people, but they don’t know how to use it most of the time.
I wonder what I’ll find when I go back online. I wonder what Twitter has in store for me, what new people await me in my Facebook friend requests. I wonder what new books have been added to NLS and how much the Victor Reader Stream’s price has gone down. I need to go Christmas shopping soon. And so, I will turn to that wondrous utility once more!
I want a cookie.