Will this book change my life?

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
From The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

In a word: no. Any book that promises to change your life is likely selling you fluff. The only thing that can change your life is you and your decisions. Books, just like people, events, and your community, will have an influence on the choices you make, but ultimately, it comes down to you and how you choose to live your life. Even taking into account that things will happen to you that are beyond your control, it is still up to you to decide how to respond to them.

Lottery winners blow millions in a matter of months and are broke. People living with paralysis find ways to publish industry-leading books and give TED Talks. Privileged with the most exceptional advantages, people fail. Likewise, struck with grave disadvantages, people go on to achieve great things. It is more than a combination of privilege, opportunity, and education; those things have an influence, but ultimately, it comes down to you and your decisions.

This book aims to equip you with the mental and organizational tools to think introspectively about your life, your goals, your advantages and disadvantages, and how to go about crafting a plan which will propel you toward achieving your definition of success.

I often refer to time, energy, and money being limited resources that constrain the choices we make. You’ve chosen to invest your resources into the reading of this book, for which I thank you. I’ve done my best to convey, in as precise and entertaining of a way as I know, the ideas, philosophies, and words of encouragement which I’ve picked up around the world and which have made a strong influence on my own life. I desire that this book will make an impact on your life and that having read it, you will go on to reap the benefits of this investment for years to come.

Now it is up to you.

Who is this book for?

You have your life in front of you. The world is a big place, and time seems even bigger. You have dreams and aspirations about how you fit into the society around you and the world beyond that, but by comparison, your small place in it all, with your mark not yet made, feels insignificant. You have many questions about how you can develop into the adult you aspire to be and how to secure a happy future for yourself and those loved ones around you. You seek guidance through other people’s stories, and you are interested in gaining tools to help you build your future.

I wrote this book for you.

You are a parent, mentor, teacher, coach, or friend of someone whom the last paragraph describes. You are looked up to by them as a source of inspiration. You have already offered a lot of great advice and see your mentee eager for more. You are looking for some outside help to point your friend in the right direction and to provide them with some actionable steps they can take right away to get to the next level.

I wrote this book for you.

You are at a later stage in life and want to reinvent yourself. You think the worn-out cliche “do it while you’re young” can’t apply to you anymore, yet, you can’t help but feel that it is never too late. You believe that today is the first day of the rest of your life.

I wrote this book for you.

As I curate the learnings from my own life’s path into advice to fill the pages of this book, along with anecdotes from those who have motivated me, and interviews with friends, I am driven first and foremost by the thought that everyone who humbles me by picking up this book will take something away from it before they put it down.

Thank you for allowing me to share these lessons with you. If there is ever any doubt, know this: I wrote this book for you.

Who am I to write this book?

The reason I most believe I have a story and philosophy worth sharing at all is that on most accounts, I am a fairly average guy, even if I have had a not so ordinary journey.

The truth is, I am not extraordinary. My friends tell me from time to time they perceive my life as remarkable, and sometimes I am even inclined to agree. So what? I haven’t found a billion-dollar startup from my garage. I haven’t revolutionized a global industry. Despite all my time abroad, I haven’t truly mastered a second language.

Therein lies the value of my tale. I am just an average person, probably not too dissimilar from you, who has had to overcome adversity and push through unforeseeable barriers just like anyone else.

As a teenager, I had no sense of destiny or vision of what I wanted to accomplish in my life. That feels like just yesterday. Back then, my life was a blank book ready to be written. Sure, I had dreams, but none of them felt like they aligned with my reality. How do such vast and seemingly untouchable aspirations get met? When the goal is to build the Great Pyramid, how are we supposed to lay the first stone?

I’ve gone on to accomplish things that were simply unimaginable to my teenage self. I’ve traveled the world, learned several languages, received blessings from popes and pujari, toured with rockstars, constructed high-rises, built products used by hundreds of millions of users, and reshaped the media landscape of an entire region in Asia.

For years, my childhood friends have asked me how I have done all this. What makes me so special to have been granted all of these opportunities? How have I been able to travel so much?

Throughout my 20s, I had an unsatisfactory response to that travel question, “uhh… I bought the plane ticket, and I went?” Which is, of course, neither what they wanted to know, nor is it truthful. Buying a plane ticket is just one step in a much longer series of events which led to my decision to backpack Brazil for half a year, or move to India, Las Vegas, Kyrgyzstan, London, and Germany (among others).

It took me a long time to understand what they were really asking me and to understand what made me different from other people.

It wasn’t that I was born into any particular advantages in comparison to others around me. The key to my success is that when I was young, I had several older and wiser people in my life telling me cliche things like “do it while you’re young.” One day, when it mattered most, that conditioning, that permission to say “yes” to an invitation, changed my life forever. It could have just as easily been anyone else, but it was me.

Now, years later, as I reflect on how my life has unfolded, and what benefit I’ve received by that early do-it-while-you’re-young advice, I realize how powerful it is to identify and start to pursue one’s life goals beginning at a young age. You can do anything with your life that you set out to accomplish. The earlier you start on your path, the higher your chance of success in achieving your goals.

So dear reader, I say it now to you, “do it while you’re young.”

This book is about helping you uncover what “it” is in your life, and how to start pursuing “it.” If that sounds useful to you, then you’re in the right place.

Why am I writing this book now?

The first time I created a file on my computer to start writing this book was in 2012. That file consisted of a working title, a list of people I wanted to thank, and then it stopped. The document sat unchanged, but never forgotten, for years.

The question, “who am I to write a book?” blocked me for years. I blogged and wrote in other media, but a book always seemed beyond grasp; perhaps it was pretentious of me to think that I had a whole book’s worth of thoughts to share.

Then a self-published author of over 50 books and a friend of mine, Honorée Corder¹, shared an insight with me. She said, “Perhaps your readers will have already heard similar advice like yours, but they never heard it from you.”

My own, unique, life experience is what drives me to share these words with you, and even if not all the principles herein are entirely new concepts to you, perhaps my view of the world and my approach to living my life to its fullest every day will resonate with you in a way that moves you to action.

I will share stories from my own life simply because, quite frankly, I’d like to wrap these philosophies into something more relatable, and examples from my own life story are the best examples of which I have first-hand knowledge. To make things more interesting, I have also interviewed others and included their stories and advice on these pages as well.

Despite the inclusion of all these other stories, this is a book about you. This book is about how you can live your life to the fullest despite all the external influences, pressures, and seemingly impossible feats that you must overcome so that you can live an adventurous and prosperous life.

In the beginning

To help set the scene, please allow me a moment to share with you a little bit about my childhood. If you read the introduction to this book, then you have a solid overview of my life’s overall timeline. Now I will delve a little deeper.

My family and where I grew up, met the classic definition of the American nuclear family: two married parents with two and a half kids (depending on how many gerbils, hamsters, and dogs it takes to make up that half kid). Though we didn’t have the white picket fence, I did grow up in the suburbs, and yes, there was a treehouse in the backyard that I built with my dad.

But not all is what it seems in the American Dream. That half kid was possibly the world’s cutest puppy, rescued from the animal shelter on Christmas Eve when I was 9, and who died of parvovirus a week later as I lay next to her on our kitchen floor. My older brother, born with severe disabilities, passed away when he was just 16 years old. My parents, both Baptist ministers, had opposite responses to the tragic loss of their firstborn.

My mother turned toward the church and her faith as a pillar of support through those dark times. There, she found solace in the wisdom of others and focused her grief in the form of artistic expression. She is also an artist, and her art² has carried the theme of mourning and loss ever since we lost Lew. Her art not only gives her strength but also empowers others to move through the grieving process during their time of loss.

My father, on the other hand, turned to the bottle. He slipped into the trenches of alcoholism, away from his Creator and isolating himself from all the things which had previously brought him joy. His brilliant mind became his own worst enemy. He pursued ever-diverse personal and professional ambitions, learning new skills and industries more vigorously than most young college students ever attempt. He quickly outpaced his instructors and knew more of a topic than the lifelong professionals teaching him. Once the learning curve reached a cliff, so did he.

He was never violent, not once, and truthfully, he has always been a brilliant father to me, but to himself, he became his own worst enemy.

My parents, those academics of the cloth, eventually separated, and now I am the adult child of divorced parents. So much for the cookie-cutter American Dream.

But this is not a book about tragedy, and it certainly is not one about divorce or even about family. If anything, this book aims to look at such turmoil right in the face and see the opportunities. The ability to overcome life’s inevitable conflicts is at the center of achieving success.

It is more often than not these moments of difficulty in my own life, which have led me to derive a series of philosophies by which I live my life to the fullest every day.

My life philosophies in a nutshell

There are several principles, philosophies really, by which I have come to live my life. In the course of this book, I will share each of these in great detail. I will tell you how I came to discover these principles, how they have challenged me, how I have challenged them, and how you can apply them to your way of thinking. Let me take a moment to outline a few of these.

The first philosophy: find your what if and live it every day

We all have dreams about our future. The places we might visit. The jobs we might have. People with whom we might fall in love. The successes we hope to accomplish. Many of these dreams are lofty, as they should be.

Dreams are the most significant ambitions of our life. Because dreams are big, they come with a sense of challenge, even sacrifice, which we must make to accomplish them.

Many dreams come to us in the form of a what if question. As in, “what if I [insert dream here].”

Many people only think about this in hindsight. They ponder, “I wonder what could have been if I had tried to _____.” I find it tragic when people have identified their own what if but never sought an answer to that question.

My goal is to give you the inspiration and the tools to discover and pursue your own what if. When you do that, you can live a life void of regrets and never have to ask yourself, “I wonder what could have been if I had tried to _____.”

The second philosophy: show up

Opportunities are all around us. They take all forms, shapes, and sizes. Sometimes showing up is about going to class prepared with your homework complete. Other times, showing up is about accepting an invitation. Often in life, showing up is about applying for that job you’ve been interested in, the scholarship that will pay for your education, or a fellowship program you think might impact your world-view. Regardless of the form an opportunity takes, it is a wasted chance if you do not show up.

There is also something brilliant about showing up. It is the prerequisite of every opportunity. And the fact of the matter is that most people do not bother showing up at all. They have the tools in their hands to show up, they are even invited by others to do so, yet they do not afford themselves the opportunity. If you can successfully shift your mentality from one of doubt to one of optimism, then you will find yourself showing up more often than anyone else, and just by pure numbers, you will excel beyond everyone around you who stayed at home.

After all, you cannot walk through a door if you do not first walk up to it. Some doors may never open despite how hard you pound on them. Other doors that are wide open are useless if you don’t even approach them to see what might be on the other side.

The third philosophy: suffering does not make you stronger; learning does.

“I had to suffer when I was your age, so you do too; it builds character!” Does this sound familiar to you? I adamantly disagree with this sentiment. “Character” can be learned in any number of ways, and struggles of the previous generation should not be the struggles of today’s generation.

Believing that the repetition of the previous generation’s struggles is a rite of passage seems to be more like a way to stifle human progress and creativity than to advance it. When we can learn from others’ mistakes without having to repeat them ourselves, then it allows us to develop and discover new problems that need solving.

There is much to be learned from those who came before us. Whether it is someone who stops to tell us the bridge ahead is flooded and we shouldn’t drive there, or it is our grandparents relaying lessons learned after decades of experience, there is plenty we can and should learn from our predecessors. Repeating struggle is inefficient and should be avoided where possible.

The fourth philosophy: a bad plan is better than no plan

Now that you have your what if in mind, you are energized to show up, and you have learned from others around you, what comes next? Well, you need a plan! Just as I drafted an outline for this book before I started to write paragraphs, you need to have an idea about the steps necessary to take to reach your goal.

As children, we are asked enough times about what we want to be when we grow up. Rarely does that conversation continue to discuss how we can live that life. In Chapter 4, I am going to walk you through a planning and decision-making process that will save you a lot of grief in creating a plan which will propel you toward living your what if.

The fifth philosophy: be flexible

Having a plan is great and all, but remember, life is complicated. You are always getting new information, and the circumstances are ever-changing. The ability to be flexible is paramount. Flexibility is not about flip-flopping or even changing your mind. It is about allowing yourself and your plan to adapt to a continually changing environment so that you ensure success in accomplishing your goals.

Flexibility is hard. People don’t like the uncertainty of change. Learning to be flexible takes discipline. Once mastered, you can apply it to achieving success in all aspects of your life.

The sixth philosophy: do it while you’re young

Albert Einstein wisely said, “Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. He who understands it earns it… he who doesn’t… pays it.” Compound interest is what time gives your financial investments. It is the exponential growth of accumulated interest over time. It is essentially free money awarded to those who start investing while young. In the same way that this principle works in finance, I believe that happiness compounds. Happiness is awarded to those who start living their what if while young.

The result is exponential happiness.

Those formative younger years, when we have not yet amassed responsibilities to others or crushing debts, gives us the ability to live life for ourselves. We get this one chance to say what if, to show up, to make a plan, and to afford ourselves the flexibility to change. As you will see later on, this becomes much more difficult with time. Those who start while young have a higher probability of finding happiness when they set the foundation before all those other pressures pile up.

Note: If you are already a little later in life, do not despair! It is never too late to pursue your dreams. The principles outlined in this book are relevant to all people of all backgrounds and ages. Starting young is genuinely a once in a lifetime opportunity, but it is not mandatory.

Some universal truths

In the same way that the United States Declaration of Independence lays out some universal truths to be self-evident, please allow me also to make some bold statements about the Pursuit of Happiness while young.

Anyone can do this

Anyone can live their what if. It is merely a matter of doing it. Yes, it might seem that others have more inherited advantages in this world, and that might be true in some limited ways. But, comparing your situation to others’ is not constructive. Everyone has their own set of advantages and disadvantages. The trick is to develop the confidence that you are someone special and that the world needs to hear from you. Then, make yourself heard.

Uncertainty is not an excuse

No one knows what the future holds. The fear of failure, even the fear of success, must not stop you from trying. In the process, you may very well change the destination, but you must go through this learning process before you can have a chance at succeeding in your goal.

It is up to you

Your dream is your own. Your journey. Your goal. No one else can live this for you or tell you how to experience your life’s journey. Those around you can and will be a source of inspiration and learning, but only you can walk the path of your what if story.

It is never too late

Beginning while young is a critical advantage that dissipates over time, but it is never too late to live your dream. Do not think about the doors which have closed behind you. Focus on the infinite possibilities that tomorrow holds and pursue your what if like there is nothing but success waiting for you.

My promise to you

When you have finished reading this book, you will come away with two main ideas in your mind. The first is that you are precisely the person who can achieve your dreams. The second is that you should and can start pursuing your what if immediately.

In addition to believing this, you should also have many questions. Write these questions down as you go and use these questions as a starting point for writing your 10-year action plan (Chapter 2) and for seeking guidance from people around you.

I am also happy to hear from you and offer you additional feedback on these questions. You can read more of my recommendations about living your what if at judsonlmoore.com, and you can also email me at book@judsonlmoore.com.

Now, let’s start this journey together. First things first: identifying your what if.