JaShel

“Baby, you don’t mean that,” he said as he held me in his arms. Still shocked at hearing myself say the words, I let him sit me down on the bed. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. It’s not worth hurting you. We can work this out, Baby. I promise I won’t do it again.”

“Jayson, do you know how many times I’ve had suspicions that you were cheating on me? But I had no proof. Only suspicions. So I couldn’t say shit about it without looking paranoid. I’ve seen too many of my friends drive good men away with the snooping they do. Not once did I try to find something on you after you married me. I was so sure that once we got married, you were done with that because the baby sure didn’t stop you.”

“JaShel… stop it. You’re getting yourself worked up.” I hadn’t even realized how short my breaths were until I stopped talking. Taking slow deep breaths, I stood up and walked into the master bathroom. Jayson followed behind me to wet a washcloth. “Baby, this is nothing to get worked up over. I told Tiphni that I can’t lose my family and that’s the truth, JaShel,” he said softly kissing my lips before gently wiping my face and neck with the cool towel. “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. Just don’t leave me. Don’t break up our family.”

“I’m not the one cheating with another woman.” Jayson looked at me with questioning eyes. “Go ahead and say something because there is no way you can try to pin the demise of this marriage on me. And by the way, once you and I had Jayson Eric, we became a family yet you cheated on us. Now we have Michael and Raina and yet again, you have cheated on us. I gave you every baby you asked for and still you cheated. At what point have I broken up the family when I was the one at home with our three babies while their father was out with God knows who bringing home God knows what! And you actually expected blow jobs from me while you’re cheating on me?!? Get the fuck out of here!”

Rubbing small circles in the small of my back, quietly he said, “Shel, you know how I feel about you cursing…”

“Don’t even try to act holier than thou Jayson or did you forget your mistress called me tonight?!? As long as I’m not calling you out your name, don’t tell me shit about my language!” I retorted, allowing him to continue to massage my aching lower back.

“Baby, I’m just saying by the time you’re cursing, it’s harder for me to calm you down,” he reasoned as he led me back to the bed.

“You should’ve thought of that before you fucked that bitch!” I cried, no longer able to hold the tears.

“I told you I didn’t want to do it! Why would I want her when I have you?!?” he screamed.

I don’t know if it was anger or adrenaline but Jayson lunged at me, pushing me down onto the bed. As much as I tried pushing him away, his grip only increased, preventing me from moving anywhere outside his grasp.

“You didn’t want to fuck me! You wanted to fuck them!” I yelled when Jayson turned over onto his back, finally allowing me to break free of his hands only to land my naked ass in riding stance on top of his dick.

Fight fucking. That’s what I coined our frenzied nights of passion that always followed one of our heated battles and ended with me in his arms as if the fight never happened. Jayson or I would lunge at the other and before I knew it I was fighting him while he was trying to fuck me.

“Does it feel like I don’t want you?!?” he asked sensually. “You wanna give this dick up?!?”

“I didn’t give it away, you did!” I said through gritted teeth while squirming as Jayson held down my hips, conveniently positioning me for what’s to come. Not wanting him to take advantage of the situation, I started beating on his chest.

Catching my hands in mid-swing, Jayson rose up and kissed me, using his upper body strength to lay me down on the bed.

“I don’t want to give my love to anyone but you, JaShel. Please forgive me. Don’t leave me.” Between his pleading and kisses, I vowed to stand firm to my decision. No matter the results of the STD and HIV tests, I was leaving the cheating bastard.

I awoke in Jayson’s arms in our bed, naked. From the looks of the fading darkness beyond the windows, morning was creeping up on us. Sensing my husband was awake, I cleared my throat. He kissed me on the top of my head and wished me a good morning. I wanted a good morning. Dammit it was about time I had a GOOD morning!

“Jayson… I still want a divorce.”

“Shh… just rest Baby.”

“I can’t rest. I’ve asked you too many times just to do right for the kids, if not for me yet…” I said, sitting up in the bed. “This is not how I want my children to think marriage is supposed to be. You can’t be the only happy one in this, Jayson.”

“Shh, Baby. I can’t go another round yet. Well, not of fighting but I’m all for more lovin’,” he said as he slowly slid his hand between my legs. Instinctively, I clenched my thighs.

Pushing my husband off me, I rose to walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. “Jayson, you are not gonna fight fuck me again! I was trying to save our marriage last night.”

“What do you think I’m doing?” he smiled from the center of the bed. “Baby, you must be watching my tapes cuz you put some new moves on me! Daddy like! Bring that sexy ass back over here and show me what else you got!”

Fighting the tears in my eyes, I thought to myself, “You didn’t deserve that. Only the man who loves me should’ve received my love last night. And he will from now on.”

“Jayson…” Standing in the bathroom doorway, I asked, “Do you know how much I love you?”

Looking confused, Jayson replied, “You know I do, Shel.”

“Do you? Really? Because I want you to be happy, to have everything you could ever want. But when you sneak around and go to those other women for what you should get from me, it hurts,” I said, slowly breathing deep, trying not to arouse Jayson’s attention. “I want to do those things but you don’t give me an option when you go to them. I can’t continue to put my life at risk because you want to fuck around!”

“Baby, I told you I’m not doing that anymore. I was protected both times with Tiphni. If you want, I’ll go get tested so you know I’m good,” Jayson offered as he climbed out of the bed and walked over to me. Holding my face in his hands, he said, “After last night, I have no reason to do anything outside this house without my wife. I’ll let you know what I want, you let me know what you want and we’ll work together to keep each other happy. I don’t want to lose you, JaShel. Not to anyone else.”

I guess having a few babies and marrying me wasn’t enough incentive…

“So you’re gonna stop cheating and get tested,” I said skeptically.

“Yes. And we’ll get tested together so we’ll get the results at the same time,” he smiled, suspiciously.

“I have no problem getting tested, Jayson,” I said before stepping away from him to enter the shower stall. “Why do you sound like I need to get tested? Is there something you need to tell me? Is that what Tiphni was apologizing for?” I thought to myself. “She’s burnin’, passed it to you and now she’s afraid I won’t find out from you so she wanted to warn me? Ain’t she a sweet girl.” I shivered under the hot water as a thought occurred to me.

Did he already get tested and cured? He agreed too damn fast to the test and insisted I go with him! So if I pop up with something, he’s got grounds. Shit, if that’s how he wants to play it, fine. I don’t care who files, I’m getting a divorce dammit!

My thoughts drifted to how to get Jayson moved into a new residence while the children were away. Just as I imagined my children and I “waving goodbye to Daddy”, Jayson joined me in the shower. The last of the hot water eked from the pipes as he wrapped his arms around my waist, laying his head between my shoulder blades. His breathing matched my heartbeat. “Baby, I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“Call first thing in the morning and set up an appointment with your doctor for us to get tested. Until then, please respect that I will not be having sex with you,” I demanded. “Once the results come back, we’ll decide from there what we’ll do.”

“Are you staying here while we wait?” he asked, his voice shaky.

“Where else am I gonna go, Jayson?” I replied, shutting off the freezing water. My husband turned me to face him as I prayed he couldn’t see the tears on my soaking wet face.

Not surprisingly, Jayson wiped my tears away. “You’ve come a long way from that sassy girl I met at the pool, Shel.”

And you’re nothing like the man I met that day.