1. The Letter
Dear Friend,
I know exactly what you are struggling with. This was an affliction for me during my teenage years until a pastor “showed me the ropes” of victory over sin. Using these Biblical principles, God not only gave me complete victory over masturbation long before I was married, but He also gave me victory over an impure thought life. I was so transformed by God’s Spirit in the renewing of my mind (Rom. 12:1-3) that even my dream life was transformed. Instead of engaging in sin during my dreams, I found myself resisting the world, the flesh and the devil using the same Biblical principles that I used during the day. I praise God for the “much more” passages of Scripture!
For where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. (Rom. 5:20)
The ministry of righteousness exceeds much more in glory. (1 Cor. 3:9)
How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? (Heb. 9:14)
What Masturbation Is and Is Not
Genesis 38:9 is not a reference to masturbation. It is an ungodly attempt to avoid children altogether and a violation of a covenant promise. Masturbation is actually not mentioned in the Bible, but principles of Scripture do apply. In this letter, masturbation will be defined strictly as any kind of self-satisfaction of the sexual impulse that does not depend upon one’s married partner. Manual satisfaction of a married partner is not wrong, nor is receiving such from your spouse (see Song of Solomon).1 Such ministry to each other draws couples together in mutual dependence whereas self-satisfaction shows no dependence upon the spouse and drives partners apart in terms of psychological need. Paul’s instructions about sexuality in 1 Corinthians 7 indicate that one must depend upon one’s spouse for sexual enjoyment or release. But Song of Solomon shows that there are more ways than penetration in which this can be done. So to repeat, masturbation is self-satisfaction sexually without recourse to and dependence upon one’s spouse.2
Why Is Masturbation Wrong?
Though there is debate on this question, let me give you six very summary reasons why masturbation is wrong.
It is wrong if it controls you or you are enslaved by it
All things are lawful to me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful to me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. (1 Cor. 6:12)
The first principle is that masturbation can be very enslaving. Counselors regularly see young people so tangled up in masturbation that they can hardly think about anything but sex all day long. And the more they engage in masturbation, the more they depend upon it. And the more they feed it, the more they are trapped by it. They are caught up in a vicious circle that becomes worse and worse.
It is wrong if it is accompanied with heart adultery
You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not commit adultery,” but I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:27-28)
It is extremely rare that a person can masturbate without fantasizing about a sexual relationship with an imaginary person. In fact, far from making such fantasizing go away by satisfying the physical sexual cravings, masturbation leads to a habit of more and more fantasizing. This habit is almost always carried into marriage where it causes further harm. James 1:13-15 says that such internal sins eventually lead to external sins. Wherever there is this sexual fantasizing there is sin. The bulk of this letter will deal with how to gain purity of thought.
1 Corinthians 7:9 seems to rule out masturbation
But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Cor. 7:9)
Paul’s options in this verse are not that it is better to masturbate than to burn. The interesting thing about masturbation (as with all sinful deviations) is that it does not put the fire out, but only adds fuel to the fire of sexual desire. Masturbation was not an option for Paul. The only two alternatives that Paul sees are self-control of the burning or else godly marriage. By the way, there is just as much need for self-control in marriage as in singlehood because a man does not always have the opportunity for sex when he wants it in marriage (the wife may be sick, tired, away, etc.). But the unique thing about marriage is that in a godly, unselfish, giving of sex in the marriage relationship, the sexual desires are satisfied without being stirred up into greater flames. This is not true of homosexuality or of perversions in marriage or of extra-marital affairs. Sinful, “kinky” sex feeds the sinful passions into flames that desire ever more “kinky” and far out sexual experiences. Paul is not saying that getting married will satisfy sinful desires. The context of the chapter deals with godly, unselfish marriage, as the next principle is one example.
Paul says you don’t have sexual authority over your own body; your wife alone does (1 Cor. 7:3-4)
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Cor. 7:3-4)
[Note: even if ἐξουσιάζει in verse 4 is translated as “right” the same conclusion is reached — “A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.” (HCSB)]
This is saying that all sex is to be self-giving, for the benefit of the other person. (You receive in giving.) But under no circumstances should we think that we have control over our bodies to do with them whatever we want. Our sexuality belongs to our future (or if married, our present) partner, not to ourselves. Masturbation in contrast to proper sex is an individual use of sex. It is solitaire sex rather than what God intended — partner sex with your husband/wife. (Note that there are circumstances where the husband may sexually satisfy the wife and vice versa without sexual penetration. This is not masturbation since it is dependence upon the partner for satisfaction (see Song of Solomon).3 There is also no reason why one partner can’t satisfy the other’s sexual desires without wanting to be satisfied himself/herself. This is still mutual care (or as Paul words it “affection”) for each other, though not necessarily mutual orgasm.)
If it cannot be done in faith (Rom. 14:23) to God’s glory (1 Cor. 10:31), it is sin
But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin. (Rom. 14:23)
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. (1 Cor. 10:31)
Whatever is not done in faith with a clear conscience (Rom. 14:23) and whatever is not done to the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31) is sin. This addresses the issue of guilt that most people have when they masturbate. If a man honestly asked himself if he was glorifying God through his masturbation and if he was doing it in faith, it is doubtful that he could answer yes.
Contrary to popular opinion, masturbation is not needed for “release”
God has already provided a natural way to get rid of the tension in men. Deuteronomy 23:10 speaks of it as a “nocturnal emission” (cf. NIV, ESV). Some refer to this as “wet dreams,” but through meditation and prayer anyone can be rid of the dreams and have the nocturnal emissions without the dreams. God can control the dream life too!
How May We Overcome Masturbation and Impure Thoughts?
Many think that it is impossible to gain victory over impure thoughts and over masturbation, but the following steps have helped numerous young men gain complete victory.
Don’t be Double Minded
First, you must be convinced it is sin (see previous point). The double minded person cannot operate in faith (James 1:6-8) and therefore cannot overcome sin (James 4:7-10). Satan will try to get you to believe it is not sin (temporarily) and will then beat you up once you commit the sin. You will thus be thrown back and forth by His lying tactics. Let the Word of God define sin, not the enemy. You must start out on a sure foundation.
Confess and Commit
Second, having acknowledged that it is sin, it is important to confess it to God and renounce it. Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” This is a point at which Satan will try to make you miserable, especially after repeated failures on your part. When Satan will try to make you believe that you can’t be forgiven, lay claim to 1 John 1:9 — “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” When your sins are put under the blood of Christ, they are covered (the meaning of atonement) and they are removed from you as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Micah 7:9 promises, “You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” Satan will try to deny it, but you can lay claim to the “all.” Satan will try resurrect your repeated failures, but it is important to appeal to Micah 7:9 and put up a “No fishing” sign.
Ask for God’s Strengthening Power — Lay Claim to His Grace
Having confessed your sin, you can get up immediately and find renewed grace for the fight. Beating up on yourself does not earn God’s favor. Only Christ’s grace could do that. So ask God for the grace that he promises to those who have humbled themselves. Scripture says that God blesses such humility:
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6)
Make Affirmations of Faith — Put Off Negative Affirmations
You must be convinced that overcoming sin is possible and is a mark of a Spirit-filled Christian (Rom. 6:14; 1 Cor. 6:9-11; 1 John 5:4-5; 3:9). Satan will try to discourage you and rob you of faith at this point by suggesting all kinds of excuses. But you have already been blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ (Eph. 1:3), have been seated with Christ in the heavenlies on His throne (Eph. 2:6) and have been given everything you need for life, godliness and escape from lust (2 Pet. 1:3-4). I strongly encourage you to put off all negative affirmations (which kill faith) and to replace them with Biblical affirmations (which build faith). Revelation 12:11 assures us that the saints “overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” The affirmations of faith at the end of this letter are a great way to submit to God and to resist Satan. “Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). These affirmations will help you to resist every excuse for why you can’t do it (negative affirmations that destroy faith) and to build a strong faith in God’s power.
Engage in Spiritual Warfare Prayer — Abide in Christ
Daily engage in spiritual warfare prayer. This is crucial. Jesus said, “Without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5). Prayerlessness is a form of pride that in effect says, “I can do this on my own.” But since God “resists the proud” (James 4:6; 1 Pet. 5:5), we are in a helpless situation when we are prayerless. (You not only have the flesh, the world and the devil opposing you, but God Himself! Not good!) John 15 also calls us to abide in the vine, Jesus. Apart from abiding in Christ, all you will produce is Pharisaism. I will include an appendix with some spiritual warfare prayers that you may find helpful. They will model for you how to pray the Scriptures in faith and find supernatural union with Christ. I especially encourage you to pray the prayer for the filling of the Spirit.
Memorize Scripture
You need the Scriptures to gain victory. Jesus said that the Word of God is His means of sanctifying us: “Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.” (John 17:17) We cannot bypass God’s means of Scripture and hope to gain success. Psalm 119:11 says, “Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says that the Scriptures are sufficient to make the man of God complete and thoroughly equipped for every good work. Hebrews 4:12 says that “the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword.” We need to have a total faith in the power of God’s Word to change us. But until we start memorizing Scripture, we won’t have the weapons needed to take on the flesh, the world and the devil. In using the Scriptures, use them prayerfully. Claim the promises of Scripture in your prayers. Turn the Scriptures into prayers. Here are some sample Scriptures you could start with. Many more are included at the end of this letter.
I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman? (Job 31:1)
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. (1 Pet. 5:8-9)
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. (Phil. 4:8)
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 3:13-14)
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts. (Rom. 13:14)
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Cor. 10:13)
Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Tim. 2:22)
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. (James 1:13-15)
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. (Heb. 12:1-3)
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
Meditate on the Word of God — Guard the Mind
But it is not enough to memorize the Word of God. We must also develop the discipline of meditation. Here are some Scriptures which promise success when we meditate on Scripture.
This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. (Josh. 1:8-9)
But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper. (Psalm 1:2-3)
Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. (1 Tim. 4:15)
Meditation is more than just memorizing Scripture. A writer from 300 years ago described meditation as being like a cow chewing its cud. A cow will chew grass and store it in one of its stomachs. Later it will lie down and burp up little balls of grass and chew it slowly at leisure. It has several stomachs, and keeps burping up cuds to chew until the grass is so thoroughly dissolved that it can take the nutrients in. That’s what we need to do with Scripture. The first step is eating the grass by memorizing and storing Scripture in our spiritual stomach. The second step is to begin trying to understand it. The third step is chewing on the Word. This means having it go over and over in our minds and applying each word to our present circumstances. It is sucking the passage dry. We can have that Word going through our minds when we are driving, when we are drifting off to sleep, when we are waiting at a stop sign. By meditating we are slowly wearing down our own sinful patterns of thinking and beginning to think God’s thoughts after Him. Meditation is an effort to give ourselves entirely to the Word of God. 1 Timothy 4:15 says, “Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.”
Personal Testimony on How I Used This to Resist Satan
Let me give my personal testimony on the power of meditation: When I was 19 years old I struggled and struggled to gain purity of thought. My friends would tell me not to worry about it since no one can avoid lusting in their minds and no one can have pure dreams. But I didn’t want to settle for what others thought could be accomplished. I went to my pastor in Three Hills and told him how I had been trying to throw evil thoughts out of my head, but I just wasn’t able to succeed. He told me that I was doing three things wrong:
1) First, I was trying to throw evil thoughts out without replacing them with good thoughts. He said that the mind is like a vacuum, and it will suck a thought back in if it is not replaced with something else.
2) Second, he told me that I was trying to get rid of demonic temptations in my own strength, and that my strength was no match for Satan’s. Instead, he told me to do as Jesus did when He was tempted. Jesus repeatedly said, “Get behind me Satan, for it is written,” and He would proceed to quote an appropriate Scripture with which to resist Satan. Always use the authority of God Himself (through the Word) when resisting Satan.
3) Third, he told me that habits of thought need to be replaced with new habits of thought. And he showed me how meditation was a powerful tool for wearing down the old thought patterns and replacing them with the new thought patterns. This was the process of renewing the mind in dependence on the Spirit.
Since Philippians 4:8 tells us to meditate on those things which are just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy, he told me to start memorizing verses that were the opposite of what I was wrestling with. Once I had memorized them, he told me to go over and over those Scriptures until I had sucked everything out of them that I could. It would wear down the old thought patterns and make me begin thinking God’s thoughts after Him. It would develop habits of thinking so that the moment a temptation would come, the Scriptures would kick in. He told me to pray those Scriptures, affirm those Scriptures as statements of faith, and to resist Satan and my flesh with those Scriptures. He told me to do like Christ did, and to say out loud, “Get behind me Satan, I will not think such thoughts because God’s Word says” and then to start quoting those Scriptures.
I started to diligently do this, but to my discouragement found that the mental pornographic temptations got much worse. I went to him and said, “It isn’t working. It seems I have worse images coming to my mind, and more frequently.” The pastor told me that Satan will do everything he can to get me to quit. He encouraged me to persevere, assuring me that Satan will eventually give up when he sees that I won’t back down. I persevered, and sure enough, after three weeks, the temptations stopped. I grew lazy and stopped meditation and they came back. I started the process again, and the temptations disappeared. This happened several times until I realized that I needed to make this a life-long habit. And it did eventually work. My mind became pure during the day and eventually even my dream life at night was cleaned up. I applied this renewing of the mind to conquer anger, fear, envy and other evils. And I found meditation on God’s word to be a powerful tool to renew the mind and give me holiness.
Be Serious! Be a Soldier!
But this testimony shows how half-hearted measures can never defeat Satan. You must be serious about overcoming the sin. If you are serious, you will be willing to take the time to plan on how to avoid the sin, and expend the energy to implement it. You will also be willing to go through the hassle of following through in a disciplined fashion. God never said that overcoming sin was going to be easy. By analogy, God gave the ancient Jews the land of Canaan and guaranteed their victory. He promised to fight for them, but He did not promise to fight instead of them. Conquering Canaan would require sacrifices, pain and wounds. It would be a real battle. Unfortunately, many Christians are not willing to have inconvenience in their pursuit of holiness. But that is a sure recipe for defeat. The writer to Hebrews talked about real seriousness in overcoming sin when he said, “You have not yet resisted to bloodshed striving against sin.” (Heb. 12:4). (Please do not commit suicide! He is using a metaphor of how hard you fight!) The writer was taking the imagery of a soldier engaged in battle. If a soldier is defeated, but he shows no evidence of close combat, the officer won’t take him seriously. He will ask, “What fight? Where are your wounds? You’ve given up the fort without a battle! I want to see either the enemy’s blood or your blood.” In the same way, a real soldier of Christ is willing to resist sin no matter what the cost. This may be a Scripture that you want to memorize.
Make Sure You Are Fighting the Right Enemy
Make sure you are fighting the right enemy. The enemy is not your body. Some church fathers castrated themselves, cut themselves, made themselves sick by sleeping in the cold and not eating well, and beat themselves with whips in order to subdue their fleshly desires. That is not God’s way. The problem is not in having sexual drives (those are God-given). The problem is in using them in a way that God did not intend and of the failure to subdue the sinful desires of the heart. A man or woman can have arousal without for a moment giving in to lust or even having sinful desires. One must focus his attack upon “taking off” the old sinful habits and desires and “putting on” new righteous habits and desires.
Exercise the Same Discipline as Needed in Sports
Modern Christians need to learn self-discipline. Paul said, “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified” (1 Cor. 9:27). Paul was concerned that his disciples learn discipline over the sexual appetites of their bodies “so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Cor. 7:5). Even within marriage such self-control is needed. It is one of the essential links in the chain of sanctification that is listed in 2 Peter 1:5-8:
But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Jay Adams said this about self-discipline:
Literally, teaching by discipleship… but comes to mean well-regulated, practiced thinking and behavior that leads to godliness (cf. 1 Tim. 4:7). Many, if not most, counselees lack order, regularity, scheduling, and planning in their lives; in short, they lack discipline. A principal problem in helping counselees to solve other problems is their undisciplined way of handling them. So it is essential in nearly every case to help counselees to become disciplined in their lives, even when that is not the major problem.4
This self-discipline involves having a strict schedule. Do you schedule when to get up and stick to it? Or do you hit the snooze button? Is your whole day scheduled (entertainment, work, eating, fellowship, worship, going to bed, etc.) or are you simply spontaneous? Whenever there are addictions, it is imperative for people to follow a tight schedule.
Self-discipline also involves doing duty before desire. It involves self-denial. It involves a willingness to face discomfort. It involves a denial of curiosity. It involves avoidance of laziness or gluttony. Many sexual addicts who have finally overcome their addictions have stated that old sexual desires began to arise when they engaged in gluttony or spent hours in front of the TV. There is a close relationship between self-discipline in every area of life and success in conquering sexual sins. When did David fall into his sin with Bathsheba? It was after he stayed home from battle and was walking around his rooftop with nothing to do (2 Sam. 11:1-2). It also flowed from failing to guard his eyes (v. 2), curiosity (v. 3) and getting close to sin (v. 4). I highly recommend that you begin a daily regimen of 1) physical exercise, 2) Bible memory, 3) devotional life, 4) ministry and 6) scheduled living.
Engage in Occasional Times of Fasting
One discipline that has been especially useful for saints has been fasting from food. This deliberately puts your body into a position where it has great desires, but in a controlled way, you are saying “No” to your body and training it to be in control. The great Presbyterian theologian, Charles Hodge said, “All eminently pious persons have been more or less addicted to this mode of spiritual culture.” Jeremy Taylor said, “He who would recount the benefits of fasting, might just as well, in the next page, attempt to enumerate the benefits of medicine.” Augustine, Calvin, Luther, Jonathan Edwards, Owen, Flavel and many, many others have joined the testimony of Scripture in saying that there is a close, close connection between fasting and spiritual victory. When you fast because of sin and you pray for victory over a given sin you are in effect saying what Job said: “I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food.” You are in effect saying, “Lord, I would rather go hungry than to let this sin get me again.” David said, “I humbled myself with fasting” (Psalm 35:13). It has the power to crucify pride. Paul said, “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” Fasting is a means of disciplining the body and keeping its desires under control. Many authors have testified to the relationship between gaining control of the urge to eat and beginning to have less and less temptations sexually. One person said,
The beneficial results of the fast are felt first in the sexual sphere. I have easily verified the connection established by the Ancients between the first two “principal vices, gluttony and lust, and consequently between the corresponding disciplines: fasting and chastity… It will surprise no one if I confess that I am subject to anxiety and irritation, sadness and nervousness, to say nothing of vanity, touchiness or envy. The habit of fasting effects a profound appeasement of all these instinctive movements.5
Fasting is a spiritual aid to subduing all sinful desires and so David said, “I chasten myself with fasting.” (Psalm 69:10). One version had it, “I mortify myself with fasting.” I die to self and become alive to the Spirit. Pure Life Ministries makes this an essential element of their successful program of getting porn addicts out of their sexual bondage. I highly recommend fasting once a week until you gain victory in your sexual life.
Find Two Accountability Partners
Another helpful thing for those who are engaging in porn, masturbation or other enslaving things is accountability. Hebrews 10:25 says, “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” In context, the writer is saying that this accountability helps to keep us from falling into sin. Share your struggle with a besetting sin with a mature believer that you respect, and ask him to 1) pray for you regularly 2) ask you how you are doing in this area when you get together. This alone has been a huge help to many people.
Since porn often goes hand in hand with masturbation (though not always), I want to address a new form of accountability in that area. I highly recommend purchasing a license from www.CovenantEyes.com. This site does not block any pornography. Instead, it sends a weekly report to two accountability partners with whom you regularly meet. These reports show every site your computer has been to (including attempts to unload or bypass the software). The reports also grade the sites you have visited, flagging (and color coding) ones that look suspicious. They have many other helps on their website.
Look for God’s Ways of Escape
1 Corinthians 10:12-13 gives two warnings. The first warning is that anyone can fall.
Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. (v. 12)
The second warning is that believers should not give up as if it is hopeless:
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (v. 13)
The first warning helps us to avoid pride. The second warning helps us to avoid both despair and carelessness. It says that God will so control your environment, that He always guarantees that there is a way of escape. This presupposes a determination to flee from sin (v. 14) much like Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife. God is sovereignly in control and would never make your body such, or make your environment such that you were unable to bear the temptation. With God’s providence on your side (1 Cor. 10:13) and God’s guarantee that all things are working together for your good (Rom. 8:28), there is no excuse for falling into masturbation. But more importantly, there is hope for you to overcome masturbation. Look for the ways of escape that God has providentially made available. Here are some suggestions for anticipating problems and providing ways of escape for yourself.
Determine when you are most often tempted to masturbate. If it is in the evening, your strategies may be a little different than if it is first thing in the morning, in the middle of the night, just as you go to bed, or in the day. If you generally masturbate when you retire, spend a period of time in meditation in the Scripture before you even go to the bedroom. Pray that God would preserve you. Exercise very hard so that you will be tired and ready to go to sleep right away. And quote your Scriptures while you are drifting off to sleep.
Some people have found that taking cold showers helps them to “cool down” both sexually and bodily! Others find that jogging hard helps. Most will say that the more lazy they are (watching T.V., lazing around, reading novels, etc.) the more likely they are to get tempted. So get involved in something with the church that will take up a lot of your time. Or, get a second, part time job. If the T.V. is a constant source of temptation, then throw out the T.V. If you tend to masturbate in the day after going out grocery shopping (perhaps because you were stimulated by glancing at the magazine covers on the magazine rack), you might want to avoid going to that store and find a store either doesn’t sell them, or has them hidden. As much as possible, remove the stimulus to sexual arousal.
If you tend to masturbate in the morning, set your alarm clock (a loud one) across the room so that you have to jump out of bed to get it. Then immediately make your bed and start to exercise and shower. Don’t use the snooze alarm! If the temptation is overpowering, rebuke Satan and your flesh and quote the Scriptures that form the basis for the rebuke while you start doing your morning chores like making breakfast. Don’t try to overcome the temptation while you are in bed! That is like inviting trouble. Be like Joseph and flee from the place where the temptation is occurring and get involved in something else. If need be, call someone up on the phone and chit chat. Often, the very act of having your mind occupied with something else will cause your arousal to subside and will then take your mind off of your sinful desires. You cannot change an emotion or feeling overnight, but as you program your body to act in certain ways, your emotions (which spring from your body) will gradually come into line as well. Remember, it takes three to six weeks for a habit to be firmly established.
Plan ahead to what you will do when you get tempted. To some extent you need to understand your particular temptations and be prepared to handle them. Make a covenant with your eyes to not gaze on a woman (Job 31:1) or any other sexual object. In other words, get rid of anything that would tempt you in a weak moment. If catalogs are a source of temptation, tear out the pages of the catalog that are offensive, or throw the whole catalog away. Get an internet blocker or else a program like Covenant Eyes that sends a weekly report of every site you have visited to two accountability partners.
Again, when you fall into sin, don’t beat up on yourself, and condemn yourself into misery. That is Satan’s favorite trick to get people to give up on themselves and despair of ever overcoming. After you have fallen into sin again, immediately repent and ask God to forgive you for failing to believe 1 Cor. 10:13 and for failing to appropriate His word. Then thank God for the forgiveness that you have — full and free in Christ. Then pray for strength to resist in the future. Plan how to resist once again. Resolve to obey God.
Read the book of 1 John after every time that you fall into sin. This will give you not only a holy fear, it will also give you hope in the power of God’s grace. Consider the following purposes for the book of 1 John, and I think you will see that it is a good tool in the battle:
And these things we write to you that your joy may be full. (1 John 1:4)
My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. (1 John 2:1)
These things I have written to you concerning those who try to deceive you. (1 John 2:26)
These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God. (1 John 5:13)
Finally, use the appendixes to this letter to help you gain total victory. I think you will find lots of ammunition against the subtle lies of the world, the flesh and the devil.
YOU CAN OVERCOME THE SIN OF MASTURBATION!
I love you, brother, and will be in prayer for the power of God’s grace to give you increasing victory.
Phil Kayser