Ready Yourself

The most important step to suggesting any change is to prepare yourself mentally for the challenge ahead. Convincing others can be as easy as a simple suggestion, or it can be a task that takes years and years. The hardest part for most people is getting their own minds ready to deal with proposing an idea.

I think of bringing an idea from concept to execution like growing plants in a garden. The seeds of the idea are small. You want them to grow into something larger. You need a lot of elements just right to grow a full healthy plant. Sometimes you don’t have all the right soil or light, and the plant grows anyway. Other times, everything appears perfect, but the seeds never sprout. So many factors go into a successful idea that all you can do is address as many as possible and see where it goes.

Proposing an idea in front of your coworkers can be terrifying. Since most of us naturally think of our ideas and our value as the same thing, putting out an idea feels like putting out a part of yourself. When the idea gets mocked, torn down, and criticized, it feels like a direct attack on you.

Tip: Mixing your ideas up with your ego is a sure way to never see them implemented

You will be much more successful if you learn to separate your ideas from your ego. If you cannot, and peg your worth to the quality of your ideas, you will quickly find that “everyone is against you”. When the first negative criticism comes along, you will get your feelings hurt. You will suddenly find yourself in the middle of an emotionally charged situation. Others will trust your judgment so much more when they see you are able to let negative criticism be spoken about your ideas without feeling attacked.

While it may feel very strange to separate yourself from your ideas, it is essential to a convincing argument. You must be able to bravely hear judgment and criticism of your ideas. If you cannot, you will forever be trapped in fear of others hearing your suggestions. A distanced perspective allows you to participate in valuable and rational discussion.

Tip: YOU ARE NOT YOUR IDEAS!

Let’s look at a completely ineffective way to make a proposal. After coming up with an idea, I bring it up in a joking way to everyone. When the listeners don’t immediately react positively, I quickly retract the idea, “just kidding”. In the following weeks, I drop not-so-subtle hints, “oh, this would be better with…”, or, “well, you wouldn’t have this problem if…”. Instead of convincing anyone of anything, I just broadcast to everyone how insecure I feel about the issue. Everyone can clearly see that I care, but I am too afraid to put myself out there and make a serious suggestion. I keep avoiding the issue and only coming back to it in a “haha, only serious” tone. For months nothing changes, and I feel more and more bitter that “my idea” isn’t being listened to. In reality, I haven’t even made a serious suggestion yet!

I know this is completely ineffective because I have done it countless times. I know it can be terrifying to put out ideas when you feel so strongly about them. You feel like your self-worth and your ideas are directly linked. This is why it is so important to learn to separate yourself from your ideas. You are not your ideas. Your worth as a human being, as a member of your organization, is not about having perfect ideas that always work out.

Separating your ego from your ideas will let you produce much more value. You will be able to make suggestions sooner, before they are “ready”, because you will be comfortable letting others criticize the parts that need more work. That criticism can be used to iterate and build better ideas that solve the most problems.

Finally, if you tie your ego to your ideas, you will find proposing them is exhausting. You will spend so much emotional energy and effort convincing everyone that even if it succeeds, you will be completely drained. Your brain will start to associate new ideas with exhaustion and stress. Over time you will be training yourself to hate new ideas. That is definitely not what you want!

When you let yourself be separate from your ideas, it won’t be as painful when one fails. It just wasn’t the right time, place, or people for it to thrive. You have many ideas, and now the others can get more of your attention.

To help you get used to separating yourself from your ideas, for the rest of the book I will only refer to your idea as: “the idea”. This may seem a bit silly, but our language shapes how we think. Using a less possessive language to refer to the ideas will help you start to feel less attached. Think of ideas as a natural resource that belongs to the group, and you have just happened to find it first. It is your duty to bring it forward in a way that benefits everyone.